so...

...its been over a month since my last post.

which doesn't seem to matter since i don't think anyone reads this anyways.

but right now, i feel as though i need to vent.

say what i am feeling.

what i am thinking.

what i long for.

you know... the usual.

it has been a few weeks since all of my friends left to go back to their homes, jobs, various other locations across the globe. my girls packed up their belonging, checked out, and moved back home. my choir friends packed their bags, then unpacked them, then packed them again, and loaded all their stuff onto buses and planes, and headed out to do their part in spreading the word, and music, of cal baptist. and then, even others, walked down an isle, in matching gowns, and announced to their friends and family, along with several hundred more people, that they had finished college, and were now moving on with their lives. and even more still, will be walking down a different isle... sharing with their friends and family a commitment to another person that they will love and cherish each other as long as they both shall live. through all these leavings, comings, announcements and commitments, i have stayed here. right where i was... well i moved a few blocks north, but for the most part... you know what i mean. i have had friends come visit me since they left. i have also gone to visit friends who i hadn't seen in a long while. while these visits were more than enjoyable, there were always good byes. there were the heartfelt hugs, the choking back of tears, and the occasional kiss. while there is still constant communication; the happy birthday emails, the random phone calls early in the morning, or the ongoing txt conversations late into the night; it is not the same as having those friends there with you when you need them. when you need that girlfriend to tell you that that guy was a jerk and you should just forget about him all together... or when you need that hug from that special guy where he wraps you in his arms and holds you tight making you feel warm and safe all over... or when you need those late night coffee runs where there is kelly clarkson blaring in the car and laughter the whole way home. not having friends close by is harder than i could have ever imagined. good friends who you can count on is something that i never thought i would be without. and those short lived visits are becoming harder and harder to stand, because the whole time we are together, i know that it is just a matter of time before i will have to say goodbye again.